Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Going under.

Drowning again.

Just as I was about to come up from air...

In the early hours of the morning I stumbled across my current phone/internet bill. It is usually $150 a month.... the total for this month is $550. I dont know how this happened? Somehow on Tuesday the 16th of February I used downloads that totalled $136... in one night? But how? Why... Why now... Why me? The story of my life.

Also $1100 car insurance due.

$270 quarterly energy bill direct debited from my account today.

$300 rent due Monday.

Please note, I actually dont give a shit about money. My frustration here has nothing to do with money, its purely about my lack of control and inability to stand on my own 2 feet. I dont want to be dependent on anyone. I want to prove I can look after myself. I need the reassurance and confidence. I need to know that Im ok on my own and that I can look after myself.

Right now I feel powerless and unable to cope.

Cant keep my head above water.

(thank you le love)

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