Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Pictures of me.

A few influential movies and TV series in my lifetime. There are a handful more but these were the few significant ones I could find an image for.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

American Ballet Academy

So pretty. But it makes me a little sad =(

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


After copious amounts of red wine (and other things) over the weekend, whilst being out in the cold in inappropriate attire the little tingle in the back of my throat finally developed into a full blown throat infection. My weekend adventures landed me 2 straight days in bed watching upwards of 30 hours of Greys Anatomy and about 8 mugs of chicken noodle cup a soup.
Im very busy at work with alot of new responsibilities but I do enjoy having the tasks, deadlines and ambition to complete it all and succeed. In my limited amounts of spare time between work and illness my blog has frequently called my name, but my perfectionist tendencies stop me from doing anything half-assed (which in all honestly is what this blog is... i just felt guiltly it had been over a week since my last post) ANY-WHO....

Weekend highlight for Bianca " How do you tell the girl you are sitting next to (having a perfectly normal everyday conversation with) that you have pictures of her saved on your computer..... without looking like a freaky stalker?"

Monday, May 10, 2010

Saturday, May 8, 2010


The ABC is currently broadcasting a soundtrack to slit your wrists to.
Blur, Cure, Placebo, Nirvana...
Made me think of this beautiful text.

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.




reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
confident expectation of something; hope.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone's trust.
something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.


–verb (used with object)
to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty:Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.
to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
to seduce and desert.


–verb (used with object)
to set or place apart; detach or separate so as to be alone.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

No wonder the feminists were burning Bra's!

Actual Advertisements from the 50's and 60's.

Happy Birthday Dani

Love you so very much, Im eternally grateful our lives crossed paths and we found each other.
Friendship destiny! Love you lots and miss you much xoxo

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

New Sensation

I love my puppy, he is the thing Ive ever been given.
A present from my most loved and favourite person in the universe.
He is sitting on my lap at this moment... he just spontaneously barked, must be saying hello!

I havent been blogging much lately, a recent occurrence has completely sucked the life out of me. I feel alone, I know ultimitely Im not and I have alot of wonderful friends who care about me immensely, but my world seems so different these days, so changed.

Anyways I have a belly full of yummy thai food and white wine, sitting in my beautiful apartment with my two favourite boys ben and Charlie.

Nothing to worry about here.

Listening to INXS, so good. Gonna hold onto a NEW SENSATION :)