Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Friday, October 30, 2009

My Heroes

81 was the year shit hit the fan in a major way
a sad day for inspiring artists
Almost 20 years after the fact I'm still on my hustle
Diggin' graves for an inspiring artist
Pushing daises up
And never compromise the art to make a crowd clap
Shit on since the first show
But we turned feces to fertilizer
So when you diss it's just food for the flowers to grow
Sold 15 plus out of backpacks, no trunks
Too young to drive
But live hip hop
And the kids are upstate kids that thought rap was past tense, hence the last name
Got name for playing basements and such and making songs that our friends loved
And when the fish bowl got too small to hold the goldfish
We filled our gills with water and ripped that mother fucker like

So take a step back
And a breath in
Let it out now
Put your chin up
You can do it tiger
You a man now
And in your dream it's time to do the best you can now

We bring ourselves down
And build ourselves up in disappointment
How fragile we are
So fragile we are, we just don't show it
We'll shake up this town
And shoot down the stars for our enjoyment
So sexy we are
So sexy we are, we just don't know it

This is what you wanted right?
How many nights were spent pouring out your guts dummy?
How many punishments endured for fucking up in school?
How many teachers proved wrong by writing songs instead?
My point exactly
But you knew you had a spark, did you?
Something producin' to the dreams your pop's dreams lent you
Stay focused when nothing seemed to make sense
Stealing verses with that Cassius Clay confidence
Sometimes you stubborn as shit, that's the McCoy in you
You learn to be a man without losing the boy in you
Just do your thing man
And so it goes.

We mouth your words when your tongues are too paralyzed.
We finish up the peanut butter jelly you get on your ?Router? but never eat.

We still pee in bottles
We play at your graduation parties
We have fallen comrades, we just rebuild the team.

Our friends are rich and we love it.
'Cause it makes us look wealthy too.

Shit, I still got a sidekick 1 with a crack in the fucking screen man.

We were your favorite "I'm the first person to know about these guys" Band.

We dance to Use me by Bill Winters in a drunken stupor
until MA and GARY tell us to go the fuck home and kick us out.

We make mistakes
We love we hate
Were not angry anymore though

Still miss you
still love you
Like a slug hates salt
and we're still your heroes.

A preview of my baby Romeo

These are pictures of my baby from the breeder.
Cant wait til next sunday when I bring him back to his new home.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Fuck my life

I am fear.
What a night.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I couldnt be happier

In 12 days I will be possession of my very own baby Pomeranian.
Im speechless.
This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.
I honestly havent felt this kind of happy in a long time. Maybe ever.
Thank you Ben, I love you always and forever.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Eve the apple of my eye...

I don't know many real models personally. (in my head I feel like I do and I worship them daily in my blog) But I have never met a real model in person.
But I a proud to say I have known Eve Smith.
It is refreshing to know that someone who is this beautiful on the outside can be so beautiful from within.
Ive known her many years and shared many wonderful experiences with her and through it all she has never judged, criticized or bitched about anyone.
I cannot think of a single soul I know that deserves success and happiness more than she.
I love and miss you.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Our Women

Spellbound by this.
Magdelena shot by Heidi Slimane.
"Cause me pain Heidi Slimane!"

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

I carry your heart.

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Poem by E.E Cummings

For Ben, Bianca, and Danika

Because I know where ever I am.
There you will be.
Thank you for never leaving me in spirit.
I carry you with me in my heart always.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lonesome Girl

Ive had some dramatic realizations over the last few days.

People are fake.
People are leeches, sucking the blood of the generous.

Friends take you for granted and use you when its convenient for them, but where are they through the week when you are facing your day to day woes and demons?

Have a good few days while you wait for the weekend again you losers.
Have an awesome time getting fucked up, and then spending the next few regretting your actions days making up lame excuses for your unruly behavior.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Tiny Dancer

I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man

Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Thursday, October 15, 2009

One Year Later.

My best friend.
My world.
My everything.
My one and only soul mate.
May this year be the first of many.
Always and forever.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Just remember to Breathe

I may be melodramatic...
But I might not make it through today.

No rational reason for this statement. Im just completely overwhelmed.
My head is a mess.

Now Im going to get it together, get through this 11 hour shift... and be back right back here where I started.