Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

If you weren't real I would make you up.

I dont want to rant about how shit my life is... I know in actual fact its not completely shit, and most peoples lives involved some misery every now and again. So to redeem myself for the latter part of this entry, lets start with the good first...

Im in love... what more can I say. If you are in love you are among the rarest people in this world. I share everyday with the person I believe I will spend my forever with. He is my soulmate and I'm eternally grateful to have found him so young. I also have the most amazing circle of friends anyone could ever ask for, they really are my family and I've never felt so connected to a group of people ever in my life. 

Anyways... after justifying my reasons for being happy in life (Mainly so I dont sound like a selfish emo bitch in the remainder of this blog)

I dont remember a time in my life where things were easy, when I was carefree... Im sure there were moments, but the problem is that the bad times being as severe and depressing as they were they completely overshadow any glimpses of happiness. For once I just wish things would work out, I wish that I could stay on solid ground for long enough to enjoy the stability before the rug is ripped out from underneath me. I wish that every time things fell apart it didnt leave me with less confidence and less to offer than I had before, because the way things are going Im scared that soon there will be nothing left of me. I wish I had the ability to be inspired when people tried to motivate and uplift me, instead my head is the the stronger force that manages to bring me down further. Im so scared this will never go away, that people will get so exhausted of my sadness and complexities I'll be left completely alone with the misery that got me here in the first place as my only companion. An old friend.

FUCK YOU!!! Fuck the people, experiences and memories that make me like this. I want it to be over. I want to move on and be happy, why cant I get away from this feeling, why am I always so afraid.

Whatever, in the end of the day at least I have hope. Hope and desire to eventually get over it all, change my circumstances, and always try to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Apologies for such a public display of emotion. Understand I am not an attention seeker and want no response from anyone on this subject matter. Ive just had the week from hell and have found myself in a dark hole with a keyboard. Whoops.

Find the attached pictures from Paris Vogue February 2005, "Baby Doll Diva" or something like that, arguably my favourite Gemma Ward Editoral. Such pretty exploited youth, so sadistic.

No comments:

Post a Comment