Rough

Its been a hard week, as you may or may not have noticed.

Praying for blue skies this week.. Time to pull myself together.

Im a fraud

Im a liar, a thief, a fake and a waste of time.

You dont even know me.

If you did you wouldn't be here.

Paradise lost

I lost a little part of myself today.

Its never coming back.

I feel different in every way, like there is a new voice in my head to add to the pre-existing congestion...

Something has changed.

So now, pretty things to look at.

Let me open up, and start again...

Bestest weekend ever in the history of amazing weekends! EVER.

Dreams come true... I properly met, spent the whole night partying with, and was KISSED by Travie McCoy, still cant wipe the smile off my face!

Dying to feel alive again...

Super excited to see one of my favourite celebs tomorrow.

Travvie, Imma comin to get ya!

If the time, Is near

Then fine, I've been waitin' patiently for years

Fought lines, in my mind

I'm more unstable than I fear

And I don't know

Just take my hand

It's time to go

So just enjoy your blue moon

It'll be over soon

So we might as well have some fun

It's getting Critical

Takes a minute for it set in

I'm unpredictable

And I'm dyin' just tryin' to feel alive again

Happy...?

The word is so foreign to me in so many ways.... most of the time I wonder if Ive ever been happy or if I will ever experience happy in my future?

But today for the first time in a long time I feel happy. Not just temporarily happy, like Im on holidays happy, or Im under the influence of a substance happy... I think I was genuinely, and naturally happy?

I had an incredibly empowering meeting without my boss the included the word raise ($$$) in it, and I feel particularly inspired.

This was especially motivating after spending an hour participating in compulsory counselling talking about all sorts of traumatic things... I was overwhelming depressed this morning then somehow my entire day backflipped. So thank you God and the greater universe for everything.... really.... thank you. I needed that.

Paradise

Luckiest girl in the world....

Holiday! Celebrate!

Singing away to the tune of Madonna... "It would be so nice!"

As of tomorrow I will be a lady of leisure for 4 days...

International fashion magazines at the airport, bikini shopping, listening to my iPod as I sunbake, cocktails for breakfast! Yay!

Will miss you all, especially my fluffy little friend who I am already feeling lost without.

Now onto paradise.

Cloudy

Im so sad.

Im so sick of this year, I want it all to be over so I can start fresh.

The saddest part is that even though Im looking forward to a new start and am praying for things to get better, the truth is that I don't expect it to, I have no hope.

Nothing ever really changes.